(完整word版)-Unit 11 On lf-respect

2024年3月15日發(作者：家國情懷作文)

On Self-Respect

John Didion

1. 一個干燥的季節，有一次我在攤開的筆記本兩頁間，用碩大的字寫下這么一句話：

當一個人 失去了認為是自己最好的幻想之后，純真就逝去了。盡管現在，許多年后，我驚

異于這種否 定了（它）的想法，它本應該在每次發作時都會帶來痛苦的回憶，卻讓我難以

名狀的回想起 那些特別讓人懺悔難過往事的味道。這就是對自尊的曲解。

Once in a dry ason, I wrote in large letters across two pages of a notebook

that innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes onelf.

Although now, some years later, I marvel that a mind on the outs with itlf should

have nonetheless made painstaking record of its every tremor, I recall with

embarrassing clarity the flavor of tho particular ashes. It was a matter of

misplaced lf-respect.

2. 我未能入選美國大學優等生榮譽學會，這次失敗原本早已料到（我僅僅是沒有成

績） ，這點 很清楚，但我卻因此而失落了。一直以來我覺得自己就是學科上的

Raskolnikov，因果關系能 束縛別人，卻束縛不了我。盡管我只是個毫無幽默感的 19 歲

女孩，也早已意識到環境沒有 真正的悲劇色彩，但我沒有入選美國優等生榮譽學會的那天，

確實標志著某種東西的結束， “純真”也許就是這種東西的最好指代。我失去了陽光總能

為我帶來希望的堅強信念；也不 再欣然地肯定那些能使我自小就贏得贊許的天生麗質， 它

們都賦予了我， 不僅是美國優等生 榮譽學會中的重要人物，還有快樂、光榮和一個好男

人的愛情；還失去了某種對諸如優雅的 舉止、 干凈的頭發和在比奈年上公認的能力等等

圖騰式魔力的虔誠信仰。 我的自尊依附于這 些令人懷疑的護身符上，直到我那一天感受

到：如同突然遇到一個吸血鬼，手上卻沒有十字 架的保護，那種不知所措的驚慌的感覺。

I had not been elected to Phi Beta Kappa. This failure could scarcely have been

more predictable or less ambiguous (I simply did not have the grades), but I was

unnerved by it; I had somehow thought mylf a kind of academic Raskolnikov,

curiously exempt from the cau-effect relationships which hampered others.

Although even the humorless nineteen-year-old that I was must have recognized

that the situation lacked real tragic stature, the day I did not make Phi Beta Kappa

nonetheless marked the end of something, and innocence may well be the word

for it. I lost the conviction that lights would always turn green for me, the pleasant

certainty that tho rather passive virtues which had won me approval as a child

automatically guaranteed me not only Phi Beta Kappa but happiness, honor, and

the love of a good man; lost a certain touching faith in the totem power of good

manners, clean hair, and proven competence on the Stanford-Binet scale. To such

doubtful amulets had my lf-respect been pinned, and I faced mylf that day

with the nonplusd apprehension of someone who has come across a vampire

and has no crucifix at hand.

3. 盡管遭遇挫折，大不了就是一件不安的事情，就好像試圖拿著借來的證件過境一樣，

但在我 看來， 現在第一要緊的事就是重新建立真正的自尊。 盡管我們大多數的陳詞濫調

都表明自欺 是沒有用的。對別人起作用的小把戲，實質上毫無用處，因為在亮堂堂的后巷，

自己清楚自 己些什么：這兒沒有迷人的微笑，沒有什么好心好意粉飾自己，只有直白

的面對自己。 在心底飛快地回想那些做的不合適的事情——另有企圖的做好事， 沒付出

真正努力就獲得成 功，倍感羞愧而做成的英雄事跡，自尊與他人的贊許沒有關聯，別人畢

竟還是很好欺騙的； 自尊也同名譽無關，正如白瑞德告訴斯佳麗那樣，勇敢的人沒有名譽