百萬英鎊英文版

2023年12月3日發(作者：生活習俗)

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百萬英鎊英文版

The Million Pound Note

When I was twenty-ven years old, I was a mining-broker's clerk in

San Francisco, and an expert in all the details of stock traffic. I was

alone in the world, and had nothing to depend upon but my wits and a

clean reputation; but the were tting my feet in the road to eventual

fortune, and I was content with the prospect.

My time was my own after the afternoon board, Saturdays, and I was

accustomed to put it in on a little sail-boat on the bay. One day I

ventured too far, and was carried out to a. Just at nightfall, when

hope was about gone, I was picked up by a small brig which was bound for

London. It was a long and stormy voyage, and they made me work my

passage without pay, as a common sailor. When I stepped ashore in London

my clothes were ragged and shabby, and I had only a dollar in my pocket.

This money fed and sheltered me twenty-four hours. During the next

twenty-four I went without food and shelter.

About ten o'clock on the following morning, edy and hungry, I was

dragging mylf along Portland Place, when a child that was passing,

towed by a nur-maid, tosd a luscious big pear?aminus one bite?ainto

the gutter. I stopped, of cour, and fastened my desiring eye on that

muddy treasure. My mouth watered for it, my stomach craved it, my whole

being begged for it. But every time I made a move to get it some passing

eye detected my purpo, and of cour I straightened up then, and looked indifferent, and pretended that I hadn't been thinking about the

pear at all. This same thing kept happening and happening, and I

couldn't get the pear. I was just getting desperate enough to brave all

the shame, and to ize it, when a window behind me was raid, and a

gentleman spoke out of it, saying:

"Step in here, plea."

I was admitted by a gorgeous flunkey, and shown into a sumptuous

room where a couple of elderly gentlemen were sitting. They nt away

the rvant, and made me sit down. They had just finished their

breakfast, and the sight of the remains of it almost overpowered me. I

could hardly keep my wits together in the prence of that food, but as

I was not asked to sample it, I had to bear my trouble as best I could.

Now, something had been happening there a little before, which I did

not know anything about until a good many days afterwards, but I will

tell you about it now. Tho two old brothers had been having a pretty

hot argument a couple of days before, and had ended by agreeing to

decide it by a bet, which is the English way of ttling everything.

You will remember that the Bank of England once issued two notes of

a million pounds each, to be ud for a special purpo connected with

some public transaction with a foreign country. For some reason or other

only one of the had been ud and canceled; the other still lay in the

vaults of the Bank. Well, the brothers, chatting along, happened to get

to wondering what might be the fate of a perfectly honest and

intelligent stranger who should be turned adrift in London without a friend, and with no money but that million-pound bank-note, and no way

to account for his being in posssion of it. Brother A said he would

starve to death; Brother B said he wouldn't. Brother A said he couldn't

offer it at a bank or anywhere el, becau he would be arrested on the

spot. So they went on disputing till Brother B said he would bet twenty

thousand pounds that the man would live thirty days, anyway, on that

million, and keep out of jail, too. Brother A took him up. Brother B

went down to the Bank and bought that note. Just like an Englishman, you

e; pluck to the backbone. Then he dictated a letter, which one of his

clerks wrote out in a beautiful round hand, and then the two brothers

sat at the window a whole day watching for the right man to give it to.

I would have picked up the pear now and eaten it before all the

world, but it was gone; so I had lost that by this unlucky business, and

the thought of it did not soften my feeling towards tho men. As soon

as I was out of sight of that hou I opened my envelope, and saw that

it contained money! My opinion of tho people changed, I can tell you!

I lost not a moment, but shoved note and money into my vest pocket, and

broke for the nearest cheap eating hou. Well, how I did eat! When at

last I couldn't hold any more, I took out my money and unfolded it, took

one glimp and nearly fainted. Five millions of dollars! Why, it made

my head swim.

I must have sat there stunned and blinking at the note as much as a

minute before I came rightly to mylf again. The first thing I noticed,

then, was the landlord. His eye was on the note, and he was petrified. He was worshiping, with all his body and soul, but he looked as if he

couldn't stir hand or foot. I took my cue in a moment, and did the only

rational thing there was to do. I reached the note towards him, and said,

carelessly:

"Give me the change, plea."

Then he was restored to his normal condition, and made a thousand

apologies for not being able to break the bill, and I couldn't get him

to touch it. He wanted to look at it, and keep on looking at it; he

couldn't em to get enough of it to quench the thirst of his eye, but

he shrank from touching it as if it had been something too sacred for

poor common clay to handle. I said:

"I am sorry if it is an inconvenience, but I must insist. Plea

change it; I haven't anything el."

But he said that wasn't any matter; he was quite willing to let the

trifle stand over till another time. I said I might not be in his

neighborhood again for a good while; but he said it was of no

conquence, he could wait, and, moreover, I could have anything I

wanted, any time I cho, and let the account run as long as I plead.

He said he hoped he wasn't afraid to trust as rich a gentleman as I was,

merely becau I was of a merry disposition, and cho to play larks on

the public in the matter of dress. By this time another customer was

entering, and the landlord hinted to me to put the monster out of sight;

then he bowed me all the way to the door, and I started straight for

that hou and tho brothers, to correct the mistake which had been made before the police should hunt me up, and help me do it. I was

pretty nervous; in fact, pretty badly frightened, though, of cour, I

was no way in fault; but I knew men well enough to know that when they

find they've given a tramp a million-pound bill when they thought it was

a one-pounder, they are in a frantic rage against him instead of

quarreling with their own near-sightedness, as they ought. As I

approached the hou my excitement began to abate, for all was quiet

there, which made me feel pretty sure the blunder was not discovered yet.

I rang. The same rvant appeared. I asked for tho gentlemen.

"They are gone." This in the lofty, cold way of that fellow's tribe.

"Gone? Gone where?"

"On a journey."

"But whereabouts?"

"To the Continent, I think."

"The Continent?"

"Yes, sir."

"Which way?aby what route?"

"I can't say, sir."

Maybe tho men mean me well, maybe they mean me ill; no way to

decide that?alet it go. They've got a game, or a scheme, or an

experiment, of some kind on hand; no way to determine what it is?alet it

go. There's a bet on me; no way to find out what it is?alet it go. That

dispos of the indeterminable quantities; the remainder of the matter

is tangible, solid, and may be clasd and labeled with certainty. If I ask the Bank of England to place this bill to the credit of the man it

belongs to, they'll do it, for they know him, although I don't; but they

will ask me how I came in posssion of it, and if I tell the truth,

they'll put me in the asylum, naturally, and a lie will land me in jail.

The same result would follow if I tried to bank the bill anywhere or to

borrow money on it. I have got to carry this immen burden around until

tho men come back, whether I want to or not. It is uless to me, as

uless as a handful of ashes, and yet I must take care of it, and watch

over it, while I beg my living. I couldn't give it away, if I should try,

for neither honest citizen nor highwayman would accept it or meddle with

it for anything. Tho brothers are safe. Even if I lo their bill, or

burn it, they are still safe, becau they can stop payment, and the

Bank will make them whole; but meantime I've got to do a month's

suffering without wages or profit?aunless I help win that bet, whatever

it may be, and get that situation that I am promid. I should like to

get that; men of their sort have situations in their gift that are worth

having.

I got to thinking a good deal about that situation. My hopes began

to ri high. Without doubt the salary would be large. It would begin in

a month; after that I should be all right. Pretty soon I was feeling

first- rate. By this time I was tramping the streets again. The sight of

a tailor-shop gave me a sharp longing to shed my rags, and to clothe

mylf decently once more. Could I afford it? No; I had nothing in the

world but a million pounds. So I forced mylf to go on by. But soon I was drifting back again. The temptation percuted me cruelly. I must

have pasd that shop back and forth six times during that manful

struggle. At last I gave in; I had to. I asked if they had a misfit suit

that had been thrown on their hands. The fellow I spoke to nodded his

head towards another fellow, and gave me no answer. I went to the

indicated fellow, and he indicated another fellow with his head, and no

words. I went to him, and he said:

"Tend to you prently."

I waited till he was done with what he was at, then he took me into

a back room, and overhauled a pile of rejected suits, and lected

the rattiest one for me. I put it on. It didn't fit, and wasn't in any

way attractive, but it was new, and I was anxious to have it; so I

didn't find any fault, but said, with some diffidence:

"It would be an accommodation to me if you could wait some days for

the money. I haven't any small change about me."

The fellow worked up a most sarcastic expression of countenance, and

said:

"Oh, you haven't? Well, of cour, I didn't expect it. I'd only

expect gentlemen like you to carry large change."

I was nettled, and said:

"My friend, you shouldn't judge a stranger always by the clothes he

wears. I am quite able to pay for this suit; I simply didn't wish to put

you to the trouble of changing a large note." The proprietor took a look, gave a low, eloquent whistle, then made

a dive for the pile of rejected clothing, and began to snatch it this

way and that, talking all the time excitedly, and as if to himlf:

"Sell an eccentric millionaire such an unspeakable suit as that!

Tod's a fool?aa born fool. Always doing something like this. Drives

every millionaire away from this place, becau he can't tell a

millionaire from a tramp, and never could. Ah, here's the thing I am

after. Plea get tho things off, sir, and throw them in the fire. Do

me the favor to put on this shirt and this suit; it's just the thing,

the very thing?aplain, rich, modest, and just ducally nobby; made to

order for a foreign prince?ayou may know him, sir, his Serene Highness

the Hospodar of Halifax; had to leave it with us and take a mourning-suit becau his mother was going to die?a which she didn't. But that's

all right; we can't always have things the way we?athat is, the way

they?athere! trours all right, they fit you to a charm, sir; now the

waistcoat; aha, right again! now the coat?alord! Look at that, now!

Perfect?athe whole thing! I never saw such a triumph in all my

experience."

I expresd my satisfaction.

"Quite right, sir, quite right; it'll do for a makeshift, I'm bound

to say. But wait till you e what we'll get up for you on your own

measure. Come, Tod, book and pen; get at it. Length of leg, 32"?aand so

on. Before I could get in a word he had measured me, and was giving orders for dress-suits, morning suits, shirts, and all sorts of things.

When I got a chance I said:

"But, my dear sir, I can't give the orders, unless you can wait

indefinitely, or change the bill."

"Indefinitely! It's a weak word, sir, a weak word. Eternally?athat's

the word, sir. Tod, rush the things through, and nd them to the

gentleman's address without any waste of time. Let the minor customers

wait. Set down the gentleman's address and?a"

"I'm changing my quarters. I will drop in and leave the new

address."

"Quite right, sir, quite right. One moment?alet me show you out, sir.

There?agood day, sir, good day."

Well, don't you e what was bound to happen? I drifted naturally

into buying whatever I wanted, and asking for change. Within a week I

was sumptuously equipped with all needful comforts and luxuries, and was

houd in an expensive private hotel in Hanover Square. I took my

dinners there, but for breakfast I stuck by Harris's humble feeding

hou, where I had got my first meal on my million-pound bill. I was the

making of Harris. The fact had gone all abroad that the foreign crank

who carried million-pound bills in his vest pocket was the patron saint

of the place. That was enough. From being a poor, struggling, little

hand-to-mouth enterpri, it had become celebrated, and overcrowded with

customers. Harris was so grateful that he forced loans upon me, and

would not be denied; and so, pauper as I was, I had money to spend, and was living like the rich and the great. I judged that there was going to

be a crash by and by, but I was in now and must swim across or drown.

You e there was just that element of impending disaster to give a

rious side, a sober side, yes, a tragic side, to a state of things

which would otherwi have been purely ridiculous. In the night, in the

dark, the tragedy part was always to the front, and always warning,

always threatening; and so I moaned and tosd, and sleep was hard to

find. But in the cheerful daylight the tragedy element faded out and

disappeared, and I walked on air, and was happy to giddiness, to

intoxication, you may say.

You know, I even kept my old suit of rags, and every now and then

appeared in them, so as to have the old pleasure of buying trifles, and

being insulted, and then shooting the scoffer dead with the million-

pound bill. But I couldn't keep that up. The illustrated papers made

the outfit so familiar that when I went out in it I was at once

recognized and followed by a crowd, and if I attempted a purcha the

man would offer me his whole shop on credit before I could pull my note

on him.

About the tenth day of my fame I went to fulfil my duty to my flag

by paying my respects to the American minister. He received me with the

enthusiasm proper in my ca, upbraided me for being so tardy in my duty,

and said that there was only one way to get his forgiveness, and that

was to take the at at his dinner-party that night made vacant by the

illness of one of his guests. I said I would, and we got to talking. It turned out that he and my father had been schoolmates in boyhood, Yale

students together later, and always warm friends up to my father's death.

So then he required me to put in at his hou all the odd time I might

have to spare, and I was very willing, of cour.

In fact, I was more than willing; I was glad. When the crash should

come, he might somehow be able to save me from total destruction; I

didn't know how, but he might think of a way, maybe. I couldn't venture

to unbosom mylf to him at this late date, a thing which I would have

been quick to do in the beginning of this awful career of mine in London.

No, I couldn't venture it now; I was in too deep; that is, too deep for

me to be risking revelations to so new a friend, though not clear beyond

my depth, as I looked at it. Becau, you e, with all my borrowing, I

was carefully keeping within my means?aI mean within my salary. Of

cour, I couldn't know what my salary was going to be, but I had a good

enough basis for an estimate in the fact, that if I won the bet I was to

have choice of any situation in that rich old gentleman's gift provided

I was competent?aand I should certainly prove competent; I hadn't any

doubt about that. And as to the bet, I wasn't worrying about that; I had

always been lucky. Now my estimate of the salary was six hundred to a

thousand a year; say, six hundred for the first year, and so on up year

by year, till I struck the upper figure by proved merit. At prent I

was only in debt for my first year's salary. Everybody had been trying

to lend me money, but I had fought off the most of them on one pretext

or another; so this indebtedness reprented only ê300 borrowed money, the other ê300 reprented my keep and my

purchas. I believed my cond year's salary would carry me through the

rest of the month if I went on being cautious and economical, and I

intended to look sharply out for that. My month ended, my employer back

from his journey, I should be all right once more, for I should at once

divide the two years' salary among my creditors by assignment, and get

right down to my work. It was a lovely dinner-party of fourteen.

The Duke and Duchess of Shoreditch, and their daughter the Lady

Anne-Grace-Eleanor-Celeste-and-so-forth-and-so-forth-de-Bohun, the Earl

and Countess of Newgate, Viscount Cheapside, Lord and Lady Blatherskite,

some untitled people of both xes, the minister and his wife and

daughter, and his daughter's visiting friend, an English girl of twenty-two, named Portia Langham, whom I fell in love with in two minutes, and

she with me?aI could e it without glass. There was still another

guest, an American?abut I am a little ahead of my story. While the

people were still in the drawing-room, whetting up for dinner, and

coldly inspecting the late comers, the rvant announced:

"Oh, just an accident. It's a long story?aa romance, a body may say.

I'll tell you all about it, but not now."

"When?"

"The end of this month."

"That's more than a fortnight yet. It's too much of a strain on a

person's curiosity. Make it a week." "I can't. You'll know why, by and by. But how's the trade getting

along?"

His cheerfulness vanished like a breath, and he said with a sigh:

"You were a true prophet, Hal, a true prophet. I wish I hadn't come.

I don't want to talk about it."

"But you must. You must come and stop with me to-night, when we

leave here, and tell me all about it."

"Oh, may I? Are you in earnest?" and the water showed in his eyes.

"Yes; I want to hear the whole story, every word."

"I'm so grateful! Just to find a human interest once more, in some

voice and in some eye, in me and affairs of mine, after what I've been

through here?alord! I could go down on my knees for it!"

He gripped my hand hard, and braced up, and was all right and lively

after that for the dinner?awhich didn't come off. No; the usual thing

happened, the thing that is always happening under that vicious and

aggravating English system?athe matter of precedence couldn't be

ttled, and so there was no dinner. Englishmen always eat dinner before

they go out to dinner, becau they know the risks they are running; but

nobody ever warns the stranger, and so he walks placidly into trap. Of

cour, nobody was hurt this time, becau we had all been to dinner,

none of us being novices excepting Hastings, and he having been informed

by the minister at the time that he invited him that in deference to the

English custom he had not provided any dinner. Everybody took a lady and

processioned down to the dining-room, becau it is usual to go through the motions; but there the dispute began. The Duke of Shoreditch wanted

to take precedence, and sit at the head of the table, holding that he

outranked a minister who reprented merely a nation and not a monarch;

but I stood for my rights, and refud to yield. In the gossip column I

ranked all dukes not royal, and said so, and claimed precedence of this

one. It couldn't be ttled, of cour, struggle as we might and did, he

finally (and injudiciously) trying to play birth and antiquity, and I

"eing" his Conqueror and "raising" him with Adam, who direct

posterity I was, as shown by my name, while he was of a collateral

branch, as shown by his, and by his recent Norman origin; so we all

processioned back to the drawing-room again and had a perpendicular

lunch?aplate of sardines and a strawberry, and you group yourlf and

stand up and eat it. Here the religion of precedence is not so strenuous;

the two persons of highest rank chuck up a shilling, the one that wins

has first go at his strawberry, and the lor gets the shilling. The

next two chuck up, then the next two, and so on. After refreshment,

tables were brought, and we all played cribbage, sixpence a game. The

English never play any game for amument. If they can't make something

or lo something?athey don't care which?athey won't play.

We had a lovely time; certainly two of us had, Miss Langham and I. I

was so bewitched with her that I couldn't count my hands if they went

above a double quence; and when I struck home I never discovered it,

and started up the outside row again, and would have lost the game every

time, only the girl did the same, she being in just my condition, you e; and conquently neither of us ever got out, or cared to wonder why

we didn't; we only just knew we were happy, and didn't wish to know

anything el, and didn't want to be interrupted. And I told her?aI did,

indeed?atold her I loved her; and she?awell, she blushed till her hair

turned red, but she liked it; she said she did. Oh, there was never such

an evening! Every time I pegged I put on a postscript; every time she

pegged she acknowledged receipt of it, counting the hands the same. Why,

I couldn't even say "Two for his heels" without adding, "My, how sweet

you do look!" and she would say, "Fifteen two, fifteen four,

fifteen six, and a pair are eight, and eight are sixteen?ado you

think so?" ?apeeping out aslant from under her lashes, you know, so

sweet and cunning. Oh, it was just too-too!

"Portia, dear, would you mind going with me that day, when I

confront tho old gentlemen?"

She shrank a little, but said:

"N-o; if my being with you would help hearten you. But?awould it be

quite proper, do you think?"

"No, I don't know that it would?ain fact, I'm afraid it wouldn't;

but, you e, there's so much dependent upon it that?a"

"Then I'll go anyway, proper or improper," she said, with a

beautiful and generous enthusiasm. "Oh, I shall be so happy to think I'm

helping!"

"Helping, dear? Why, you'll be doing it all. You're so beautiful and

so lovely and so winning, that with you there I can pile our salary up till I break tho good old fellows, and they'll never have the heart to

struggle."

Sho! You should have en the rich blood mount, and her happy eyes

shine!

"You wicked flatterer! There isn't a word of truth in what you say,

but still I'll go with you. Maybe it will teach you not to expect other

people to look with your eyes."Were my doubts dissipated? Was my

confidence restored? You may judge by this fact: privately I raid my

salary to twelve hundred the first year on the spot. But I didn't tell

her; I saved it for a surpri.

All the way home I was in the clouds, Hastings talking, I not

hearing a word. When he and I entered my parlor, he brought me to mylf

with his fervent appreciations of my manifold comforts and luxuries.

"Let me just stand here a little and look my fill. Dear me! it's a

palace ?ait's just a palace! And in it everything a body could desire,

including coy coal fire and supper standing ready. Henry, it doesn't

merely make me realize how rich you are; it makes me realize, to the

bone, to the marrow, how poor I am?ahow poor I am, and how mirable,

how defeated, routed, annihilated!"

Plague take it! This language gave me the cold shudders. It scared

me broad awake, and made me comprehend that I was standing on a halfinch

crust, with a crater underneath. I didn't know I had been

dreaming ?athat is, I hadn't been allowing mylf to know it for a while

back; but now?aoh, dear! Deep in debt, not a cent in the world, a lovely girl's happiness or woe in my hands, and nothing in front of me but a

salary which might never?aoh, would never?amaterialize! Oh, oh, oh! I am

ruined past hope! Nothing can save me!

"Henry, the mere unconsidered drippings of your daily income

would?a"

"Oh, my daily income! Here, down with this hot Scotch, and cheer up

your soul. Here's with you! Or, no?ayou're hungry; sit down and?a"

"Not a bite for me; I'm past it. I can't eat, the days; but I'll

drink with you till I drop. Come!"

"Barrel for barrel, I'm with you! Ready? Here we go! Now, then,

Lloyd, unreel your story while I brew."

"Unreel it? What, again?"

"Again? What do you mean by that?"

"Why, I mean do you want to hear it over again?"

"Do I want to hear it over again? This is a puzzler. Wait; don't

take any more of that liquid. You don't need it."

"Look here, Henry, you alarm me. Didn't I tell you the whole story

on the way here?"

"You?"

"Yes, I."

"I'll be hanged if I heard a word of it."

I was in a kind of agony. I was right on the point of coming out

with the words, "Lloyd, I'm a pauper mylf?aabsolutely penniless, and in debt!" But a white-hot idea came flaming through my head, and I

gripped my jaws together, and calmed mylf down till I was as cold as a

capitalist. Then I said, in a commercial and lf-possd way:

"I will save you, Lloyd?a"

"Then I'm already saved! God be merciful to you forever! If ever

I?a"

"Let me finish, Lloyd. I will save you, but not in that way; for

that would not be fair to you, after your hard work, and the risks

you've run. I don't need to buy mines; I can keep my capital moving, in

a commercial center like London, without that; it's what I'm at, all the

time; but here is what I'll do. I know all about that mine, of cour; I

know its immen value, and can swear to it if anybody wishes it. You

shall ll out inside of the fortnight for three millions cash, using my

name freely, and we'll divide, share and share alike."

Do you know, he would have danced the furniture to kindling-wood in

his insane joy, and broken everything on the place, if I hadn't tripped

him up and tied him.

Then he lay there, perfectly happy, saying:

"I may u your name! Your name?athink of it! Man, they'll flock in

droves, the rich Londoners; they'll fight for that stock! I'm a made

man, I'm a made man forever, and I'll never forget you as long as I

live!"

In less than twenty-four hours London was abuzz! I hadn't anything

to do, day after day, but sit at home, and say to all comers: "Yes; I told him to refer to me. I know the man, and I know the mine.

His character is above reproach, and the mine is worth far more than he

asks for it."

Meantime I spent all my evenings at the minister's with Portia. I

didn't say a word to her about the mine; I saved it for a surpri. We

talked salary; never anything but salary and love; sometimes love,

sometimes salary, sometimes love and salary together. And my! The

interest the minister's wife and daughter took in our little affair, and

the endless ingenuities they invented to save us from interruption, and

to keep the minister in the dark and unsuspicious?awell, it was just

lovely of them!

When the month was up at last, I had a million dollars to my credit

in the London and County Bank, and Hastings was fixed in the same

way. Dresd at my level best, I drove by the hou in Portland Place,

judged by the look of things that my birds were home again, went on

towards the minister's and got my precious, and we started back, talking

salary with all our might. She was so excited and anxious that it made

her just intolerably beautiful. I said:

"Dearie, the way you're looking it's a crime to strike for a salary

a single penny under three thousand a year."

"Henry, Henry, you'll ruin us!"

"Don't you be afraid. Just keep up tho looks, and trust to me.

It'll all come out right." So, as it turned out, I had to keep bolstering up her courage all

the way. She kept pleading with me, and saying:

"Oh, plea remember that if we ask for too much we may get no

salary at all; and then what will become of us, with no way in the world

to earn our living?"

We were ushered in by that same rvant, and there they were, the

two old gentlemen. Of cour, they were surprid to e that wonderful

creature with me, but I said:

"Here it is, sir," and I handed it to him.

"I've won!" he shouted, and slapped Abel on the back. "Now what do

you say, brother?"

"I say he did survive, and I've lost twenty thousand pounds. I never

would have believed it."

"I've a further report to make," I said, "and a pretty long one. I

want you to let me come soon, and detail my whole month's history; and I

promi you it's worth hearing. Meantime, take a look at that."

"What, man! Certificate of deposit for ?ê200,000. Is it yours?"

"Mine. I earned it by thirty days' judicious u of that little loan

you let me have. And the only u I made of it was to buy trifles and

offer the bill in change."

"Come, this is astonishing! It's incredible, man!"

"Never mind, I'll prove it. Don't take my word unsupported."

But now Portia's turn was come to be surprid. Her eyes were spread

wide, and she said: "Henry, is that really your money? Have you been fibbing to me?"

"I have, indeed, dearie. But you'll forgive me, I know."

She put up an arch pout, and said:

"Don't you be so sure. You are a naughty thing to deceive me so!"

"Oh, you'll get over it, sweetheart, you'll get over it; it was only

fun, you know. Come, let's be going."

"But wait, wait! The situation, you know. I want to give you the

situation," said my man.

"Well," I said, "I'm just as grateful as I can be, but really I

don't want one."

"But you can have the very choicest one in my gift."

"Thanks again, with all my heart; but I don't even want that one."

"Henry, I'm ashamed of you. You don't half thank the good gentleman.

May I do it for you?"

"Indeed, you shall, dear, if you can improve it. Let us e you

try."

She walked to my man, got up in his lap, put her arm round his neck,

and kisd him right on the mouth. Then the two old gentlemen shouted

with laughter, but I was dumfounded, just petrified, as you may say.

Portia said:

"Papa, he has said you haven't a situation in your gift that he'd

take; and I feel just as hurt as?a"

"My darling, is that your papa?" "Yes; he's my step-papa, and the dearest one that ever was. You

understand now, don't you, why I was able to laugh when you told me at

the minister's, not knowing my relationships, what trouble and worry

papa's and Uncle Abel's scheme was giving you?"

Of cour, I spoke right up now, without any fooling, and went

straight to the point.

"Oh, my dearest dear sir, I want to take back what I said. You have

got a situation open that I want."

"Name it."

"Son-in-law."

"Well, well, well! But you know, if you haven't ever rved in that

capacity, you, of cour, can't furnish recommendations of a sort to

satisfy the conditions of the contract, and so?a"

"Try me?aoh, do, I beg of you! Only just try me thirty or forty

years, and if?a"

"Oh, well, all right; it's but a little thing to ask, take her

along."

Happy, we two? There are not words enough in the unabridged to

describe it. And when London got the whole history, a day or two later,

of my month's adventures with that bank-note, and how they ended, did

London talk, and have a good time? Yes.

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